Top 10 Funniest Parenting Tweets & Quotes

Not sure how to feel about this. My daughter's class just put on a pageant about The First Black Friday.

— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) November 30, 2013

I haven't taken my kids to a pumpkin patch this year, but it feels like I have because of Instagram.

— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) October 27, 2013

Say this to a child. 'Your eyes might be that colour now..but we won't know your adult eye colour until your baby eyes fall out.'

— Cheish (@TheCheish) December 27, 2012

We don't use the #ElfOnTheShelf to guilt our child. She's already creeped out that Santa sees her while she's sleeping!

— Michael Schmid (@ADaddyBlog) December 3, 2013

Just passed a store that sells "Everything You Need to Spice Up Your Love Life." I thought it was illegal to sell babysitters.

— Sandy Rustin (@SandyRustin) November 24, 2013

The toddler's 6, 7, H, 9, 10 never fails to make me smile. Except today when she did it and then jumped off the couch.

— Kristen Chase (@thatkristen) November 26, 2013

Me: You sound like a broken record.

3-year-old: What’s that?

M: It’s an old type of CD.

3: What’s a CD?

Me: *moves into a nursing home*

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 11, 2013

Just saved $25 on a flu shot by having my 7-year-old sneeze in my face.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 26, 2013

My kid told me she knows Santa isn't real because she Googled it.

— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) November 30, 2013

My dad: "Can Anna have hot chocolate?"
Me: "Only if she eats breakfast first."
Dad: "Okay. She's having Goldfish."
Because, grandparents.

— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) November 26, 2013

I’m a 42-year-old man, but if I see a stuffed animal lying on its face, I will still move it into a seated position so it can see.

— Jason Sweeney (@sween) November 4, 2013

At what age should you tell your children they're going to die in The Hunger Games?

— Sid Karger (@SidKarger) December 1, 2013

I can't recall the last time I felt 100% well. I'll take The Joys of Motherhood for 500 please, Alex.

— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) November 22, 2013

According to Oldest daughter's teacher, she needs to try harder listening to instructions. Or something like that.

— Mere (@Does_This_Match) November 27, 2013