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Strangest or Funniest Spam Messages

[important]The comments you left are hilarious. Gotten any more strange spam recently? :)[/important]

I’m going to take off my pretentious “how to be a better dad hat” and talk for just a moment about blogging in general and spam in specific. At some point we all have all been on the receiving end of SPAM. No I’m not talking about the scary canned meat-like pork product, though I’ve been on the receiving end of that a time or two as well.

Can of Spam

Nope, I’m talking about the sort Microsoft defines as “any kind of unwanted online communication”. They say the “most common form of spam is unwanted e-mail. You can also get text message spam, instant message spam (sometimes known as spim), and social networking spam.” AND if you blog, you know all about comment spam.

Med's Sold via Spam

So I’m curious, what is the strangest or funniest spam message you’ve ever received? Leave a comment with an example of spam you’ve gotten! The ones I receive the most often on my blog tend to insult my manhood… offering to improve the size and/or functioning thereof. It was the wording of one of them in particular that made me laugh out loud:

please do not delete this comment. im being held captive by russian mafia and forced to post spam links to viagra and cialis websites. i hear them coming back. please help me.

That’s a quote. You can’t make something like that up. Very creative. Very weird. So, what funny or strange spam have you received? Is it just me? Yikes. I just realized if I post this I’m probably going to be targeted even more heavily by spam-bots. Fortunately my Akismet filter does a pretty good job catching them. Alright… so lets hear yours!

40 comments

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  1. The Momma

    Ok, that’s perhaps the best one I’ve seen! The russian mafia? Awesome.

    My current favorite (I’m saving it, I think it’s so special):

    “What benefit is there to toasting bread instead of just eating it untoasted? If there is no benefit, how much electric energy is wasted on toasting in the U.S. of A., do you think?”

    I dunno know why, but I love the random environmental bent on this spam.

    1. Michael Schmid

      Hi, Ginger. Thanks for dropping by. Your sample spam comment does have a rather surreal, whimsically pointless (albeit green) bent to it. Cute.

  2. Susan Evans

    LOL!!!!!!!

    Seriously, I don’t read my spam. It’s filtered out, you know….

    1. Michael Schmid

      I understand. I used to skip it, but now I try to review the spam periodically as I have it tied down security pretty tight and sometimes it catches my friends in it’s net. LOL.

  3. Avant Garde Parenting

    Oh wow. This made me laugh. Mine is filtered out and I must confess I’ve never checked it. But you, sir, have inspired me. I think I will go check it. Maybe even once a day if it will give me laughs like this…

    1. Michael Schmid

      Yeah, I don’t get too many as creative as this, but there’s almost always a chuckle in there… and occasionally one of my friend’s comments. Hmmm… wonder what that says about my friends?

  4. L. Eleana

    Ha, that’s hilarious. I just got an email tonight sent to Undisclosed recipients saying I just purchased a plane ticket on an overseas airline for $392.00. Needless to say, I want be clicking on the links in that email to claim my boarding pass, lol!

    1. Michael Schmid

      Who needs a measly $400 ticket when I’ve got a foreign prince who wants to deposit his millions in my account if I just send him the routing info. 😉

  5. TheNextMartha

    How sad is it if I can’t even relate to this? I don’t think I’ve ever received a blog spam offer. Pretty rainbow pills by the way.

    1. Michael Schmid

      You haven’t lived until the Russian mafia has forced someone to leave Viagra spam on your blog, Jen.

  6. Jill

    FUNNY!! I was just considering a post of this nature last night as I was reading the…

    “I sincerely ask for forgiveness for I know this may seem like a complete intrusion to your privacy but right about now this is my best option of communication…”

    and then read further to find out that General Mohammed Jassim Ali made big deposits to a bank in Hong Kong and that *I* have been chosen as the foreign next of kin. Amount undisclosed until I reply, of course.

    Also, a favorite… Russian mail order brides. Um, apparently spammers don’t do their homework. Well, of course not because I get the viagra ones often too. Sigh.

    Jill

    1. Michael Schmid

      Hi, Jill.

      I had one that started with “Are you a petite woman?” By the way, you’ll find it funny, because of some key words in your comment just now, I had to go pull it out of the SPAM bin. Or are you really a spammer using http://singlemomonabudget.com as your cover? Hmmm. Have a great day.

      Michael (aka: http://adaddyblog.com or http://twitter.com/adaddyblog)

  7. Typical Suburban Family

    Wow! That’s some serious pressure to not delete that comment :-)

    1. Michael Schmid

      Right…. very creative. I certainly hope it was a joke. Yikes. What if it wasn’t and I signed some poor slobs death warrant? Nah!

  8. Amber

    I get a lot of the ‘increase your girth’ comments, which is somewhat ironic, as I have no girth to increase and wouldn’t want any, anyway.

    The ones that make me laugh aren’t really because they’re funny, it’s because they’re out of place. Like, say, I’ll have an old post that contains cute and funny things that my kid said, and the spam comment will be, “You are wrong and I can prove it.” Really? You’re going to argue with THIS post?

    The other thing that cracks me up is when spammers give me blogging tips. “Top bloggers use video. You can improve upon your blog by using more video.” You’re a SPAMMER. You are not in a position to offer me tips on blogging. On annoying people, though, you’re an authority. 😉

    1. Michael Schmid

      LOL. I’m happy to say mine have yet to offer my advice on improving my blog. The ones that are in English say things like this (and I’m quoting from one I just received:

      how are you!This was a really excellent topic! I come from itlay, I was fortunate to seek your theme in google. Also I learn a lot in your subject really thank your very much. i will come later

      I could be wrong, but think this person isn’t really from “itlay” and flattered though I am they found my topic “excellent” I suppose I must discount it, just as you must discount your critiques.

      Thanks for stopping by, Amber. @phdinparenting is going to be jealous her top stalker was commenting on a daddy blog. 😉

  9. Ro

    Your reminding me to go check mine now!! hahah.. I have the spam block on. ahh these are funny.

    Ro

    1. Michael Schmid

      Yeah, I read through my spam folder periodically in case a legitimate friend’s comment gets flagged for some reason. Some of the real spam messages are quite creative, weird and/or funny!

  10. Megan (Best of Fates)

    I love Askimat like a frog loves a dead body. You know, ’cause it attracts flies.

    (Okay, I’ve officially decided to use that saying all. day. long. People at work, brace yourselves.)

    And lately I’ve been getting huge missives, some of which are quite rude! And I always want to save them, but am sadly too lazy to do more than “delete all” – so once more, my laziness fails me.

    1. Michael Schmid

      LOL. Once again your self-proclaimed quirkiness is coming through. I like that in friends… like a frog love a dead body.

      I keep hearing that people are getting mean spam comments? Other than insults to the size or functioning of my man parts, most I get are complimentary. The most recent reads:

      Good day I was fortunate to find your topic in baidu
      your topic is brilliant
      I get a lot in your topic really thanks very much
      btw the theme of you website is really splendid
      where can find it

      Neither of us can take spammers comments to heart of course, though in this case he/she is right. My blog is brilliant.

  11. JDaniel4's Mom

    I don’t get a lot of spam. I did get a 500 word comment on the need to change my religion to a middle eastern one two weeks ago.

    1. Michael Schmid

      Someone tried to convert you via blog comment? Many of mine are in foreign languages that I can’t read. Perhaps they are trying to convert me, though I think most likely they are trying to sell me erectile dysfunction meds.

  12. Texasholly

    On my website for moms in the Dallas area, BurbMom.net I usually get the most horrific porn spam where I learn things I didn’t want to know and have to be careful that children aren’t looking over my shoulder when I delete the 100s of daily comments…ugh, BUT then there was a bowling phase where everything was bowling related…genius. But my favorite comment of all time is this…and of course I approved it:

    “I usually don\’t post in Blogs but your blog forced me to, amazing work.. beautiful …” Thank you. Thank you very much.”

    Over-compliment me and you will get your spammy link through….duh.

    Go Mom Loop!

    1. Michael Schmid

      Hi Holly,

      First of all I have to tell you that this (your) comment got caught in my spam filter. I suspect the fact that you quoted known spam probably was the cause. LOL. Or are you really a spammer on the side? Hmmm.

      So nice to have you visit my humble little daddy blog from Mom Loop. I hear that many people get mean spam criticizing their blogs. Interesting that you and I only get positive spam? I must agree it’s because their accolades are true. 😉

      Hope you and yours have a lovely weekend!

  13. Tabitha Blue

    Haha, that is too funny… mafia??!! I think my strangest are the ones that come in some kind of asian symbols.. so I’m not really sure what they say. But I like it just about as much as anyone else! :)

    ~Tabitha

    1. Michael Schmid

      Hey Tabitha,

      Long time no see. How are little Brayden and I’m guessing not so little Aliyah? I do get some that are in some language I can’t read, “Russian”? But the funniest ones are in English. Here’s the latest. As sorry as I felt for this persons imaginary friend I didn’t click. LOL. Have a wonderful weekend!

      “Will you rate my best friend out of 10? she thinks shes ugly :(?”

  14. Crazy Sister

    I had no idea the comedy contained in the spam folder of my blog’s email address! Thankyou for drawing it to my attention.

    The best out of 30 spams there was entitled “This is our finest hour”, and runs like this:

    Greetings dear man!

    My name is Tatyana! I ask you to read my letter!
    I have an interesting and easy to contact the girl.
    The purpose of my message – is to start communicating with you!
    I really miss the man who loved and makes me happy.
    I’m ready to tell you about myself, if you reply to my email:

    jekolisa@yahoo.com

    I am waiting for your answer! You will get a lot of my pictures!
    Your Tatyana!

    I wonder why she thought “Crazy Sister” would be the right man for her?

    1. Michael Schmid

      Hey, there. I just came from you blog. Thanks so much for visiting mine.

      This is the first of your blogs I’ve had the pleasure (and I do actually mean it, at least this time) to read. I will definitely be back.

      I have a number of friends who blog that are complete nutters and I adore them. So no worries there. You also write quite well.

      I know you must be aware of this, as turns of phrase like Muddy Midnight Mind don’t just come from airy nothing… or do they?

      One can see why Tatyana (aka: jekolisa?) is really missing the man who loved and makes her happy. How could you have forsaken her so?

      Gotta run, the wee one will be waking soon. You all have a great… what is it there now… almost morning I guess.

  15. Jennifer Gervens

    Testing my gravatar! Thanks for the info on Blog Frog.

    1. Jenn

      hmmmm….back to the drawing board

  16. SweetTMakes3

    Third times the charm??

    1. SweetTMakes3

      Yay! It finally worked. I’ll stop spamming you now. 😉

      Jenn

      1. Michael Schmid

        Yay… you did it! It will work on other blogs that support Gravatars, as well; so it was worth the investment. It’s good to have consistent branding everywhere. Hmmm… what does it say that my brand is my feet… well, and my daughter’s feet, which one cannot deny are completely adorable.

  17. Kelly K

    This will probably be flagged for spam, but I have gotten some interesting ones.

    One was entirely in Russian, so I passed it on to my friend taking Russian and she said it had something to do with home improvement.

    I also have had “I can haz cheezeburger.”

    And the latest round seems to scan actual works of literature and then give me random lines from it along with a pile of links. I just deleted a bunch but a few I left for my amusement were:

    “When the magnetization vector is perpendicular to the reflection surface and parallel to the plane of incidence, the effect is called the polar Kerr effect.”

    and

    “He can spit water out of his mouth as if it were a bullet.”

    The others were more like the first one. :-) I was amused.

    1. Michael Schmid

      Hi Kelly,

      Great to meet you. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I’ll head over to yours in a second. Speaking of which, did you use the word “frak”? I thought only guys that still live in their parents basements say that. Okay, not true, I’ve been known to say that… and I’m gainfully employed with a wife and child.

      But I digress, as is my wont. I get a lot of what I assume are Russian spam, too, but if it’s about constructions I have a feeling (though I can’t read most of the words) that they are in the plumbing end of the business. I’ve gotten Twitter spam that draws passages from English literature, so have seen that, too. References to Mr. Darcy give it away.

      Hope you have a great weekend. As you know today was the start of our potty training. So far the carpet has seen more pee than the potty. We’ll soldier on. TTYL.

  18. laughwithusblog

    I too get a kick out of the spam comments. Where in the world do they come from and why? :)

    1. Michael Schmid

      I think if they can post links on blogs (in there comments) it will increase their clout with search engines, e.g. more inbound links from reputable sites like yours. The “nofollow” attribute (if that is how you set your blog up) will reduce this benefit. I don’t do that so my commenters get the linky love, but I do have very detailed and tight spam settings, that I’ve manual updated to make them even tighter. Anyway, that’s my understand of the reason why they do it. That and you or one of your readers may click on their spam link, of course. Have a great day.

  19. sms spam

    I recently came across your website and have been reading all along. Keep on posting and I look forward to seeing more post from you.

  20. Bintang

    LOL. Very funny comments here.
    It gives me an idea to turn off my captcha.

    1. Michael Schmid

      LOL. I’d not turn it off, but it’s fun to look at what it catches now and again. 😉

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