I’m not a doctor, nor do I claim to be an expert in pregnancy or miscarriage. That said, like many (perhaps most) reading this, my wife and I have suffered through miscarriage more than once. Miscarriage is the most common type of pregnancy loss, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). Studies reveal that anywhere from 10-25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage.
It was only after our first loss that friends and family told us it had happened to them, too. Thank God they did, as we had almost never heard anyone talk about it before. We were simply suffering in silence together wondering what we had done wrong that our little baby didn’t live. So few people talk about miscarriage that we thought we must be among the few to whom this happens. But that’s not true, is it? Have you lost a pregnancy?
It would have helped us so much to have known this sort of thing happens to others… many others… perhaps most others. But we didn’t know; so few talk about it. Of course loss of life is a private thing. When my father died, I didn’t talk about it that much. Guys often don’t talk that much about feelings anyway. Neither, though, did I feel I was alone in my loss. I felt others understood; so many had been through what I was going through.
What is the difference that keeps us silent about miscarriage? I don’t know that I have the answer, and would love for you to voice your feelings in the comment section below. I do suspect that guilt and a feeling of isolation keep us from speaking about miscarriages we’ve suffered. Both feelings are misplaced, however. Almost never is the loss the parents’ fault and I have since found out that we were far from alone in our loss and grief. So I’m coming out of the closet.
We lost three babies (I know someone who lost 10) during pregnancy before we had our perfect little girl. I want you to know that if this has happened to you, you are not alone. It was not your fault. It’s okay to talk about it. In fact leave a comment below, as this is a safe, friendly place in which to speak of your feelings and experience. And if you just want to read and know you are not alone in your suffering, that’s completely okay. I’m sorry for your loss. We all are.
Please leave a comment if you’d like. Share anything you wish. Had you given the babies you never got to hold a name yet? Ours were just Peanut, Sweetpea and Jellybean, though we had a list of possible names taped to the refrigerator. I miss them every day. And yes, it might not be very manly, but I’m crying as I write this. Please leave a note below if you wish. Let anyone that’s going through this know they are not alone. Let’s stop the silent suffering. *HUGS*
p.s. I’m neither a doctor or a psychologist, so these are simply the opinions of a dad whose been there, as much as a dad can be. My thoughts should not be construed as, nor replace, medical advice.